Strangers.

One of the first lessons we're taught as children is that we should never ever talk to strangers. Even if they have candy. Even if they have toys. Even if they say it's okay. Never ever, under any circumstances talk to strangers. Unless they're the police and you're lost of course, but that's irrelevant for right now. I have broken this rule. I have obliterated this rule. I have wiped this rule out of existence. I have been talking to as many strangers as possible. I'm playing a dangerous game. Even worse, I'm playing this game on the internet. Where I can't even see the strangers I'm talking to. I'm telling them my name and age and what state I'm in. This blog is dangerous. I'm revealing my deepest secrets to people I probably won't ever see. The blog is quite different from meeting a stranger online and then sending him your picture though. It wasn't a dirty picture, don't get cray! But it was a picture nonetheless. I don't really know why I did it honestly. I guess it's because he sent me a picture first and he was cute and he likes my personality. Maybe it's because the picture was blurry anyway and he's all the way in Canada(allegedly). Maybe it's because it was late and I was sleep deprived and delirious. I probably shouldn't have done it, but I never do anything that risky, and aren't all of our friends strangers first? I don't know, but it freaks me out. On the one hand, I guess I should stop being so insecure and accept the possibility that a really cute guy a) thinks I have a good personality b) thinks I'm "cute". On the other hand, I could be walking into a scary trap. I don't know this person and even though he seems willing to video chat with me, it doesn't mean that he's any less of a crazy person or more trust-worthy. He could be anyone behind the internet. Everything is always a problem for me. I keep asking the Universe for a boyfriend and then it puts a cute, interested guy in front of me, but SURPRISE he's far away. I can't catch a break. What I really want  to do, is delete every trace of him and forget he exists. But something is stopping me. Something that says wait, he might be pretty cool.  Who am I kidding? Even if he were anything good, he'd just be another Josh. Fuck it. Naming names. Deal with it. And anyway, what would even come from it? Nothing good. And in a couple days, I will be swimming in hotties. And what does he want with me anyway? It's all too sketchy. We haven't talked in a day, which was the first time we talked. He hasn't even been online. It wouldn't be a big deal if I trusted myself not to catch feelings. But I know myself, I'm a mess. I want so badly to be loved that I'll make that shit up. What a shame. Maybe I'll talk to him one last time. I don't know. I just don't know anymore.