Considering Life and Its Oddities.

I should rename the title of this post because it's misleading. What this post (like pretty much every post) is really going to be me rambling / complaining / feeling hungry. Why is it, that I get hungry the moment I decide to go to bed?? What kind of f*ckery is that??? Anyway, I'm listening to Semisonic's only hit Closing Time. If I had a boyfriend I would make that song the background music to our awful Tumblr couple video. I hate Tumblr couple videos but I can't seem to stop obsessively watching them. They usually consist of a boy and a girl who do nothing but laugh and play and kiss and have sleep overs. There isn't much talking, none that the viewer can hear anyway, and there is always a Jason Mraz or Owl City song playing. Oh and it's in black and white. No exceptions. You don't qualify as a cute couple unless you are in black and white. It also doesn't count if you haven't broken up at least once but you're "still so in love" because at 15, you've already met the love of your life of course. And it's legit because it's on Tumblr, at least twenty people reblogged it, and it has like 20,000 views on YouTube. If that's not true love, I don't knw what is. *barf* As much as I make fun of these people, I continue to watch their videos. I guess it's because I know if I were in their position, I just might do the same thing. Don't judge me. I am ashamed of myself, but can you blame me? I'm growing up during a time where it's totally normal to share every aspect of your life online, or the parts you want people to envy / pity / learn from at least. I mean, if you really think about it, this blog is just as bad, if not worse because there's no romantic song playing in the background. I'm so hungry. I'm going to try to sleep now. I spent all the time talking about Tumblr couples that I don't remember the original intent of this post. Oh well.

I Have a Headache: Thoughts on idleness and the depression it causes.

I finally understand why Trust Fund babies squander their small fortunes on stupid shit they only half care about.  Life is f*cking BORING when you don't have to worry about things like your next meal and paying rent. I'm the furthest thing from a so-called Trustafarian, but I don't have much to do since I'm not in school(please don't ask), unemployed, and without any money for daily entertainment. I have  virtually no friends and, I've deleted every social networking page I had to avoid falling into a deep, dark depression, which really leaves me with little to nothing to do. It's the worst experience I've ever had. I don't sleep until 3am and then sleep well into the afternoon just because I can. I devote the rest of the day to television, avoiding the fridge, tedious household chores, and spending hours on end on the internet. I bet you're wondering what I could possibly be doing on the Internet without Facebook, Twitter, or Tumblr. Well, I spend a lot of time on YouTube watching things like the "wild and out-of-control teens" episodes on shows like Tyra, Dr. Phil, Dr. Drew, and Maury. I read the blogs of invisible people who seem so much cooler than me, but probably aren't. Most of my obsessive internet perusing begins at around 9 or 10 and continues until the wee hours of the morning. I never intend to stay up the entire night, making my eyes burn with the bright screen of my MacBook and eating full plates of food snacking, but that's how things end up. After passing out falling asleep, I usually wake up between the hours of 11am and 1pm, usually to the sound of my phone ringing because my one (consistent) friend wants to gossip, update me on college life, or hear herself talk because she's bored. After a conversation that's lasted longer than I would like, I either try to fall asleep (which never works out), or watch cartoons until I get so depressed that I just have to eat or ride bike or something. Now that I think about it, I don't do anything. My days are meaningless blurs with no actual events. The only thing keeping me from jumping off my building is the fact that a)the mere thought of my mother telling people I committed suicide makes me want to vomit and b) I know this will be over soon enough. I start work at a job I kind of already hate on Monday and in January I'll be in school where I belong. I have learned from this whole experience though. I like lists so let's put this in that format.

What I've learned from nearly going bat-shit crazy from idleness:

1. Having nothing to do makes you loathe people with deadlines, stress, and just something to do.
2. Being idle makes you want to blow everything way out of proportion just so that you can say something happened.
3. It's really embarrassing responding with the same deflated "nothing" whenever someone asks what you plan to do daily.
4. To avoid saying nothing (yet again) when someone asks what plans you have for the day you make up a plan you have no intention of following through, then making up a story about why it didn't work out later. This is even more depressing than responding "nothing" because now in addition to being a loser, you're a liar.
5. Being indoors all day causes headaches. Or maybe it's staring at screens. I'm still not sure on this one, maybe it's a combination of both.
6. Your family WILL take advantage of your idleness and there's nothing you can do about it because well, do you have something better to do? Exactly.