Uhm. Not sure how I feel about that.

Am I ever really sure what I feel? Not really, no. I'm forever confused. Maybe I should change my name to FC. Let me explain the reason for confusion(great band name). I got kissed. No, not on the lips, as if I'd ever get that lucky, get real it's still me. On the cheek. It was shocking, but me being the super chill chick I am, I hardly budged, but it still threw me way off guard. It was a friend who planted one on me. He made the "muah" noise too. It was odd and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I know for definetely sure he doesn't like me like that and I know for definetely sure I don't like him like that either. I'm not torn on whether I should allow myself to feel deep feelings for him like I usually do with guys, I still don't know how to react I guess. We were closer(literally) than usual that day. I'm still trying to understand why it happened I guess. I don't know. As usual I'm overthinking life. Shame on me. This is precisely why I'm supposed to be taking a break from this blog. I obsess that much more when I blog. Stupid me. I'm going to try to find something to do with myself[insert dirty joke here]. Thnks for reading, stay FAB!:)
-L.H. ♥ (aka FC)

I'm sick of thinking.

I'm gonna shut off my brain for a while. I need to relax and let go for real. I probably won't post unless something huge and exciting happens(like a vagina woo![haha!]) so try not to miss me too much :P. Thnx for reading, stay FAB!:)
-L.H. ♥

Ugh. Confused!(again)

I know, big shocker. More emotions, another situation. Of course it's about a guy. I shouldn't be confused at all. I'm being stupid right now. I'm totally overthinking this. I'll just come out with it. I'm crushing. I know, I know. It's extremely stupid to be thinking about any type of male anything after all I've been through. But I am. I've just come to terms with it. Right when I'm leaving school forever and I'll never see him again. That's actually really good. Now I'll never do something absolutely stupid because of my feelings for him. *sigh* He's not cute. That's what makes it so much more meaningful. I like him for him. He's totally not my type in any way. I'm attracted to who he is. Well, I was attracted to BFKAW's personality too and look where that got me. Ugh. Anyway, it's too late now, like I said. I'm transferring to another school and I'll probably never see him again. If we had become as close as we are now months ago maybe things would be different. This wouldn't feel so final. But it is. I'm sure he doesn't like me back anyway. He probably likes a girl who's short, skinny, with flowing hair that reaches her waist. I just don't fit that description. I love how close we get. Literally I mean. Sometimes we stand next to eachother and we're barely touching but my skin tingles anyway. Ugh. I sound stupid. I'm positive he doesn't feel the same way. And we're never gonna see each other again! Why can't I be rational for 5 seconds?? I refuse be depressed about this. I enjoyed the time we spent in the class we had together and I'll have fond memories of that, but now that's over and it's time to move on. Don't you just love how mature I'm being about this whole thing? Yep, that's me, Little Miss Mature, Madame Beyond Her Age, Lady Old Soul. It's not easy being so level, trust me. Especially when you're emotional, irrational me. I guess I really have nothing to be confused about. I guess what I should be is relieved. Relieved that I didn't have to face heartbreak. Relieved that my brain won't be fried thinking about a stupid boy. Relieved that I'll be sort of sane for a little while longer. -Phew- Dodged a bullet there...right? aah! Well, Thnx for reading, stay FAB!:)
-L.H. ♥

Accomplished!

You should be so proud of me. I'm proud of me. I'm getting sh*#t done! Everything accept this post. Haha. It's 10:06PM right now @_@. Well, I'm not going to finish this because the premiere Beautiful People is on and I absolutely LOVE this show. But, thnx for reading, stay FAB!:)

Over Dramatic Melodrama

Okay, saying I'm dramatic can be an understatement. I'm the very definition of overdramatic. I mean, I don't make scenes(well, not all the time) and I don't throw fits(unless it's totally neccessary)... Alright, I'm clearly not making a good defense here. Maybe you noticed in the post "Death.", I take things to a whole 'nother level. I feel I should explain the reason behind the post. On Friday I was supposed to meet Frenchie at a train station. I waited for a whole hour and she was a no show. I walked two blocks to the bus stop in tears. I was stood up, betrayed, utterly crushed. I was extremely upset the whole day, the whole night, and even the next morning. Of course it was all just a misunderstanding,bad time management, and transportation trouble. I left the train station at 4:35pm, she arrived at 4:55pm. Things like this makes me overdramatic. Can you blame me? 20 minutes. A 20 minute time span completely demolished my great mood. I'm way better now. Me and Frenchie(Frenchie and I?) hung out all day Saturday and everything's gravy now. Well, I have English finals tomorrow and it's 11:59. Thnx for reading, stay FAB:).
-L.H. ♥

Death.

Forgiving, loving, openhearted. They're all traits that died in me today. I've lost faith in humanity for the final time. Reverdy wasn't lying when he said to chase happiness is to chase the wind. Lynn the Lionhearted has replaced Lynn the Loving. They once coexisted but the death of Lynn the Loving has caused the takeover of my entire being. It's so easy to make me love and so hard to lose my faith in you yet the people closest to me manage to do just that. I feel more alone, replaceable, and unloved than ever. All I ever want is love and people are so miserly when it comes to giving it. I try to be stronger but I'm just not. I'm vulnerable, fragile, weak. I am weak. Weak and naive. I believed people could change and be better but they can't. Not even me. My feet are dirty and my heart is tired. I'm emotionally exhausted. I give all of me hoping I'll get the equivalent but I never do. Instead I'm made to feel worthless and unimportant. I wish I could say I don't, but I care what people think. It sickens me that I do. I'm so sick of being crushed. I'm sick of people totally disregarding my feelings when I just try to make everyone feel good. I cry so much. I cry so much I wonder when I'll just run out of tears. The sun is shining, clothing is shedding, and the season of leisure and pure bliss is here and where am I? In my room crying by myself in the dark because I'm in pain. Both physical and emotional pain. What did I do? What? What? What? Am I completely blind to how cruel and heartless I am? Why must I get hurt at every turn? Why does dissapointment and misery follow me everywhere? Why is it that every time I try to make things better they end up even worse than before? What could I have done? How can so many things go wrong at once? Why doesn't anyone understand? I'm tired.