Here I Go Again...

First post of 2012 and it's about a guy -___- typical... I'm doing it again. I'm falling in like with a guy whose type I am the opposite of. But he's so cute!!! At least this one is single. And tall. And reeeaaally cute. I hate myself sometimes. Oh jeez. We're just friends. Friendship is safe. I keep imagining in my head ways to attempt to change that, but I'm too scared. I have no idea how to change it without making a fool of myself. Even worse, I am so bad at reading guys, so how can I know that he will respond well. With guys, every time I think it's going somewhere, I'm completely wrong. I love making lists about my dilemmas though.. so I'll make a list now:

                                        Why I Should:

1. We seem to be getting close*
2. I never take chances when it comes to things like this.
3. He paid for me when we went out to eat for a friend's birthday**
4. He's sensitive.
5. He likes dogs.
6. He has a job.
7. He's really sweet.
8. He makes me laugh.
9. His eyes turn green when he cries***
10. He's a good kisser****
11. He's caring.
12. I LOVE the way he smells and how his body feels when it's against mine.
13. He's idk. I really like spending time with him...

                                        Why I Shouldn't

1. He likes/liked someone else*
2. The girls he seems to go for do NOT fit my description.
3. His sexual history concerns me.
4. I don't know if can handle more heart pain.
5. I'm not sure if he would ever feel the same way about me.
6. He is asshole-ish at times and the other guys I have liked who had asshole tendencies turned out REALLY bad.
7. He's going to prom with the girl he liked/likes**
8. School is almost over, what's the point now??
9. He may have friend-zoned me because I friend-zoned him.
10. I have to protect myself.
11. He definitely doesn't feel the same way***
12. I'm scared.
13. I ALWAYS do this...which is fall in like with a guy who a) will never view me as more than a friend b) will never see the potential of "us" OR c) is TOTALLY wrong for me.

I honestly don't know which list outweighs the other, but for now, I'm going to keep him at arm's length(figuratively of course, because it would be impractical to cut off physical contact...)

* Like I said, I suck at reading guys, but we have had some sincere moments. Moments that were really raw and just between me and him.
** Before we went out to eat, we were at his house and I didn't know that we were actually going to a restaurant to go eat. So when I found out we were, I said "Oh, I guess I'm going home then" but he said "shut up, I'll pay for you". It was really sweet, and I had a great time and he kept asking if I was okay and offered to buy me Jamba Juice. And he did it all without that silent "okay, what will you do for me". I usually blow things like that out of proportion, but I keep telling myself that he would have done that for anyone and even more if he liked them.
*** No, he didn't cry in front of me. He yawned and his eyes teared, then turned green.
**** I could be wrong about that. When we made out I was a little tipsy, and let's be honest, I wouldn't know what a good kiss was if it slapped me. Well, in that case, I guess I would...

* I don't know if this is still true. It most likely is.
** He's going with her no matter what...
*** I just know... I can tell... I think... Maybe... fuck.