What will people say when I'm gone?

I never really considered what people will say once I'm dead. Partly because I never really cared, partly because I'm too young to die. I've always just assumed no one will really care. It's not because of my self esteem or anything, it's just that when I've left places, nobody seemed to care. My stomach hurts. I don't  know. I'mprobably being dramatic. I keep thinking to myself that I don't need validation from others but it's a lie. I don't feel like I'm worth anything ifI there isn't someone telling or showing me that I am.  That's so pathetic.. Life is so dramatic for no reason. Well, My life is. My life isn't dramatic, I am. I hate myself. I hate who I am yet have no idea how to change. No one will love me because I don't love myself. Why would anyone love me? This blog is a waste.

Sidenote..

Every once in a while, I'll finish posting something meaningful and I decide to press the  next blog button. I've noticed something about these Blogspot blogs, they're all either in a foreign lanuage, nothing but photos of random things(btw, just because you take pics of the random shit in your boring life, that doesn't make you some amazing photographer), or written by a bored housewife chronicling the lives/life of her small child/children or family. I mean, thats cool and all but who gives a shit?? Idk, I just got weirded out by the blog called MilliganMania:All About The Milligans. This post is so hypocritical. All this blog is is my thoughts after something random or horrific happens to me. The fact that I press the nextblog  button is proof that I shouldn't be talking about anyone else's blog..

-L.H.

All Falls Apart..

*sigh* the toilet is leaking. For no reason. There's 20 inches of snow on the ground(allegedly), I hear a helicopter outside my window, and my room is a mess. I'm eager to do another photoshoot(I've done two already) but I don't have the props or set I want. Mom is freaking out..There's water seeping into my bedroom. Frustrating. I'm sick of this apartment. Something is always falling apart. The walls, the tiles, the beds, the lights. I  need to take this nailpolish off, it's chipping and gross looking. I had to take it off days ago. I'm just lazy..

-L.H
(p.s I'm not gonna do a signoff or whatever anymore.. no one reads this..)

Dreams..(again)

As usual, my dreams are messing me up. I  don't  want to get into details of the dream because I'm still freaked out by it. It revealed a lot though. I'm in love with someone I shouldn't be in love with. So much so that I've subconciously given that person something soo important to me. It did make me realize that I lost myself for a second. I forgot what was important to me. It made me realize that what I gave that person I'm in love with is meant for  someone like him. Someone I'm completely in love with..regardless of what my evil body is saying. My dream was so disturbing, I'm trying not to think about it. This person I'm talking about, who apparently, I'm in love with, held me as a baby. Gosh  my brain is  so fucked. I'm probably thinking too much about this.. most likely, I am. *sidenote* I love the video for Matt and Kim's Cameras. Ugh. I'm going to bed. Be yourself and all the jazz. Don't sell out or sell yourself short. I love you if you think no one does.
-L.H.          

If you weren't, you wouldn't be you...

My best friend said that to me when I  told her I was frisky(the word "horny" makes me uncomfortable). It made me laugh. I started thinking of all the things that make me me. My sense of style, electic taste in music, my love of food and boys, my vegetarianism. This is starting to sound like an "about me" post. I've  been  right on the line between feeling  okay and feeling blah. Idk. I  just felt like archiving that little moment.. Oh, I started taking photos. Well, my sister took the pictures, but I edited them. I love how they came out. I'm thinking of getting a photography scholarship. I feel more secure about college. I feel like I'm ready to take on life. I have nothing else to say so..be the you you want to be cause thats the only you you can be.

-L.H.

Bumjel

Nothing is real for me right now. I've had an experience that has changed how I watch movies. Nothing seems right. The movie Black Swan has screwed my head up so thoroughly that I can't think properly. I'm going to surf Flickr for a while and try to be normal again. Black Swan was a reeeeallly good movie btw, it's in the same ball park as The Illusionist(my favorite movie ever) and Were The World Mine. I'm not going to be able to sleep for a very long time. I'm tired though. Sidenote: I've decided to dye my hair white. It's probabaly a really bad idea, but whatever. You only live once right? I just thought I'd try to purge some of the confusion and intensity I'm feeling by typing it out. So, until next time, be you 'cause that's the only you you can be(I'm workin' on it...)
-L.H. ♪♥

Currently,

I'm listening to Erykah Badu and blogging when I should be doing homework -_- I always do this to myself. I'm completely aware of what I SHOULD be doing in order to save myself from overload later, and instead I continue to do what I feel like doing. Ridiculous. Anyway, I'm totally obsessed with Flickr. I'm also obsessed with the camera I'm itching all over to get from Urban Outfitter's, it's BYOO-tee-FULL. Once I get it, this blog is gonna be chock FULL of pictures... IF i get it :T well, I'm going to continue to do the opposite of what I'm supposed to do. Until the next time I decide to get on this thing, Be the You you wanna be 'cause that's all you can be(or something like that @_@)
-L.H. ♫♥

My, My...

How things have changed since last year...

I hardly recognize the foolish girl who wrote the 43 posts before this one. She was just a caterpillar and since I've got my wings, I'm remodeling this blog. It's a new year. I'm not that different. I'm a little smarter, more confident, more optimistic, but I'm still that psychotic, overemotional, lonely girl. Well, I'm not that lonely anymore. I'm not as obsessed with having a relationship anymore. I'm focusing on bigger and better things now. I've decided I have no clue what I'm gonna do with my life, but I'm going to Film School and I'm going to continue to write. I'm gonna keep making up stories, making songs, and letting my imagination marry my emotions and have little crazy babies. I lost myself a bit for a while. I started letting other people(and my hormones) let decisions for me. But that's over. I made myself believe I was in control when I really wasn't. That's done. I'm in control now. I am the only me I wanna be. Because of my new outlook, once again, I'm changing how I'm gonna sign off in the different way.

So darling, be who you wanna be 'cause that's the only you you can be(blew your mind didn't it)
-L.H. ♫♥