Dangerously in Love

One of my favorite Beyonce songs(though I have great difficulty choosing just one fave Bey song) is Dangerously in Love. I had forgotten about the song for a while, but remembered it and started singing it constantly.  My (now ex) best friend also loved the song and we would listen to it at least six times in a row on any given day. Anyway, I actually remember the day that I rediscovered the song. I remember that I didn't know all the words at that point and would only sing the chorus and bridge. The day I remembered the song, I was at a boy's house. It was late and I was pushing curfew. We were laying in his bed watching a movie. Actually, I was talking through most of it. I suddenly remembered the song and started singing it. I can't remember his reaction right now for some reason, but I'm almost positive that it wasn't a negative one. He liked when I sang to him. He was a bit of a brute, but he was very gentle in a way. He liked to be caressed. One time, he came over to my ex best friend's house and while she was in her room with her boyfriend, we watched t.v in the dark in the room next door. I sang to him and he told me I would make a great wife one day. I replied, "I know". That response makes me cringe now. Maybe if I had just said thank you things would have turned out differently. That's probably not true. That isn't who I am. I don't aspire to be a "great wife". I aspire to be a great human being. I don't want to be put in a box. I keep replaying scenes over and over again, changing things I've said and done, trying to find where I went wrong. I keep trying to figure out how I could have made him see how felt about him without the words ever leaving my mouth. Whenever I dare tell a guy how I feel about him, it always end in disaster. I realize now that there's nothing I could have done to change how our relationship. If he wanted to be more than my friend, he would have done something about it. It doesn't matter how many times he's complimented me. Or how many times we've cuddled under blankets. The time he tried to finger me without even talking to me about it is proof that he didn't really respect me. He doesn't really respect anyone. He's a nice person and makes people laugh, but he doesn't really show respect. That's something I wouldn't have tolerated as his girlfriend, and didn't tolerate as his friend. So, unless I compromised who I am and gave up control over what I do, we never would have survived. As friends, or otherwise. I will never ever allow someone to make me feel like I need to stop complaining or like scary movies or be someone I'm not. If you don't accept the good and bad parts of me, you won't have me at all.