Sudden Turn of Events!

Where to begin? First of all, I believe in horoscopes. I never thought I would. Most of it is probably chance and coincidence but my skepticism is beginning to wane. I feel like this will be my year. I love my new school, I kind of have a boyfriend(more on that later), and I'm determined to lift myself from these ashes like the majestic phoenix. I don't know why I started this. I'm too tired to finish. More later if I remember. Thnx for reading, stay FAB!:)
-L.H. ♥

Regrets & Lonliness

I feel like the lonliest girl in the world. I regret not making better choices. Maybe if I hadn't done the things I did, I wouldn't feel so lonely. I regret letting my fear of being abandoned cause me to push people away. I wouldn't be so alone right now. Maybe if I were prettier, a better student, thinner, nicer, the people I get close to wouldn't leave me. My mother is my only friend and she has to love me. No one cares about my feelings. I pretend to be ok but I'm really not. I don't fit in and I'm not enough for anyone. I eat to feel better, to take my mind off my misery. Once the food is gone I'm unhappy again. I'm getting fatter everyday but I refuse to limit myself. Limiting my eating means limiting my relief, my happiness, and taking away the only thing that makes me feel better, even for jst a little while. I ruin everything I have. I can't keep friends. People get sick of me. If I fell off the face of the earth tomorrow nobody would notice. I'm so insignificant in people's lives. I might as well be a grey blob. I'm really not needed or even wanted. I'm going to sleep. At least in my dreams there's an illusion of something happening in my pathetic existence.

MONEY MONEY MONEY!

In a MUCH better mood than last night. My zit doesn't hurt. It finally came to a head. I tried not to pick with it, but of course couldn't help it. Gross. What a disgusting way to start off a blog. Haha. Mama and Baby Snores-a-lot are keeping me awake, but even that can't tarnish my beautiful mood. I'm going back to New York, the best city in the world(Paris almost snagged the title). Once I get there and get my bags of cash I'm going SHOPping. With or without my "best friend". And I'm going to a concert this Satur(y)ay. My mood being to good is most likely because of the Starbucks I drank today. I'm totally addicted. I've given Starbucks hundreds of dollars(not at one time, don't be silly) to sustain my dependence. I'm in a rotten mood if I go too long without sucking down a tall double chocolate chip frappacino. *sigh* heavenly. Last winter I was totally addicted to Pumpkin Spice Lattes. I couldn't go a week without one. I wanted to work there but I'm rethinking that now. I don't want to work for the store I love. I never want my love to turn into resentment. The Snorenstein Bears aren't the only thing keeping me up. I'm excited about going to Urban Outfitters and Delias. I can't stop thinking about all the shopping I'm gonna do! I'm imagining cleaning out my closet and drawers, buying new storage containers, and getting sore hands from all the shopping I plan on doing. It sucks I won't have a gay man, shopping buddy, or sexy(and patient) boyfriend to shop with, but that really isn't gonna stop me. C'est la vie. Carpe diem and all that good stuff. It doesn't help that my bus doesn't leave until 1:50pm tomorrow so I know I can sleep until 11. I could sleep on the bus. I'm not excited for the ride. I'll be alone and I don't have my Zune(another long devastating story). This couch is getting uncomfortable and my arm is getting numb, so I'm going attempt sleep. Thnx for reading, stay FAB!:)
-L.H. ♥

Another lame summer, (not) gone (fast enough)

This summer wasn't entirely lame. It hit what I hope was it's lameness peak this week. Hopefully it finishes out absolutely awesome or just flatlines. I don't care which, as long as it's not totally lame like this week has been. It didn't start out lame. It started out pretty freakin awesome. Once Wednesday rolled around, the decline began. I thought the lameness would go away today, I shopped and ate, the two things that bring me total bliss. I spent $100 maybe a little more on things I probably don't need. The decline of awesome(today anyway) began when I realized I bought two pairs of shorts that totally don't fit. Turns out, I got fat[ter]. It got worse when I had to move all my things from the spacious room I was in to a closet...in the basement. Did I mention I am currently on a couch? Yeah, lame. Not only that, a mother-daughter snoring team are in the room I was originally in which I LOVED only 5 feet away. They're keeping me awake. Them and this zit that hurts like hell sitting for all to see on my chin. I broke out outta nowhere. I'm so ready to go home. This "vacation" needs to end. I literally had a mental freaking breakdown last night. I woke up with swollen eyes from crying for about two hours. I don't handle rejection well at all. I'm not completely over it either. It hurts that I care more about other people then they do about me. The people I love and care about wouldn't notice if I dissapeared out of their lives forever. I'm never enough for anybody. I'm so painfully insufficient. I make up for it by spending every penny I have on nonsense. I hide my sadness and fear behind smiles and laughter. I don't let anyone see that I'm dying inside of loneliness and a broken heart. No one can really help me anyway. This post is so depressing. I wrote it to let it out but I'm just letting out things that should never be let to the surface. Time to push it back down with superficial thoughts and a fake smile. There's no one to thank for reading but myself, which is no great accomplishment so jst stay fab.:T
-L.H. ♥

aaaaaaaaaaghhhh!

I'm so upset, I could puke. It's all because of a stupid dream. OF FREAKING COURSE. I hate that my dreams control my brain so completely. I hate that my mind doesn't want to be logical. Why can't I shove my feelings down and they not bubbling back up in my freaking dreams?! I'm watching Teen Mom while I write this and Farrah's first(and Sophie's dad) dying is sooo sad! I understand why she's so angry sometimes. Omg. I wanna cry even more now. First I wanted to cry because I feel extremely lonely, then it was because I want someone I can't have, and now it's because Baby Sophie will never meet her dad and Farrah's family is so unsupportive! Amber lost so much weight. She looks GREAT! I like her a little better(I'm aware of how terrible that is). Aah! Everytime I see her status message I want to cry more. She has what I want and it's not fair. It's not the thing she has, it's the concept. I don't want exactly what she has, I want certain parts. I know if someone is reading this they're probably confused, but that's fine because I'm the only person who reads this. Everytime I see it I feel a sharp pain in my ribs, as if I've actually been stabbed. Lol, Amber is crazy as hell and Gary loves her anyway, I want that! And Tyler is so awesome and loving! Maci is a tough cookie. I love her. I'll sort out my life one of these days. I'm gonna confuse myself when I go back to read this. I didn't filter my thoughts or feelings, I let them go. I'm so emotional right now. I'm completely flustered. My bra is cutting off my circulation. My thumbs hurt from typing on this phone. The buttons are ridiculously hard. I'm gonna finish watching t.v. I started writing this at 9:09 and it's 9:53 now, CRAZY. Well, thnx for reading, stay FAB!:)
-L.H. ♥
P.S Farrah's mom seems like a total b-otch!

This is why I keep standards resonably low!

My birthday rocked so hard! My family came over for dee-lish food and my favorite cake and I had my own ice cream. I got everything I asked for AND I'm still waiting for more stuff and money! I know I'm happy as Idunnowah and it's creeping you out but I can't help it! I'm so excited! I'm waiting for 400 bucks and a laptop which will both arrive in Agosto*! This birthday was one of my favorites. This summer isn't so horrid either. I had a job but it completely fell through :T. No worries though. In August I'm going to Maryland and there's a job babysitting waiting for me there(I might have mentioned it). So things are going well(are you as shocked as I). Well, I'm sleepy so I'm going to go eat a snickers and crash somewhere. Thnx for reading and stay FAB!:)
-L.H. ♥
*español for August!
P.S who else is watching Project Runway tonight!(so essited!)

Grey skies are gonna clear up!..

At the risk of jinxing it, I have to share that things are actually looking brighter as far as my birthday. It's not gonna be spectacular, but I am getting stuff, that's enough for me. So, between Thursday and Saturday I'm getting an awesome camcorder and case that's in my favorite colour(purple). I'm also getting a Zune(woo hoo!) and a laptop. I've been cheerier lately. Maybe since my phone decided to play my music(soon I won't have to deal with that ^_^) and I've been tricking myself into believing I have a boyfriend. Not that I've talked to any boys besides my little brother(pathetic), but I've been convincing myself someone loves me. It seems sad now that I've actually admitted it. Am I that needy that I have to pretend someone is showing me affection? I'm starting to feel a little depressed. I'm gonna end this and finish distracting myself with Kathy Griffin. So, thnx for reading, stay FAB!:)
-L.H. ♥