WOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!

I'm super-dee duper-dee über duber excited!!!!! I got the e-mail for the second interview!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! I'm gonna get a call to set up a one on one interview for next week. I'm sooooo hype!!! I already know what I'm going to wear. I can't wait until the interview. I already know what I'm going to ask when they ask if I have a question for them. Oh wait, I think I forgot. Oh, I remember: being that _______ is a clothing store and there is an image to uphold, what will we be required to wear? I've heard that on certain days, an employee may have to wear a certain outfit is there any truth to this? When can I expect to hear back from you? Sooooo exciting. I hope I'm not too nervous and I don't say something slightly embarrassing. I hope it feels more like a nice conversation than an interview. That would be pretty cool. I'm really excited. Please, oh PLEASE let me get this job!!!! Then I can finally move out. I'll have my own little studio apartment and I'll be more independent and have as much freedom my little heart desires :D

Trying to Sort Through This Mess.

I need to clean out my brain. And heart. I wish I could just let go of all the crap that confuses me. Why can't emotions be as easy to throw out as the junk in our closets? It's so frustrating trying to get over someone or something when your stupid irrational heart is keeping you stuck. It shouldn't be this difficult for me to give up and move on. I shouldn't feel so atttached. I have no reason to be. He gives me that goddamn false hope. He makes me feel like he might actually think of me more than just a girl or a friend. Then, he takes it all back. I hate him. I feel like a stupid yo-yo. What could I have possibly done to deserve this? I think my dreams are huge red flags. I've had two dreams where I'm screaming at him. It's because I'm unhappy with the way things are. In the first dream, I'm angry at him because of his girlfriend. In the second dream, he wasn't supporting me and our "two kids". I think they were indicators that I need to do some spring cleaning on my phone and throw away his number. I did it. No more bullshit. I keep telling myself it needs to stop, but I never end it. Well, now it's over. He has a girlfriend, and I have my own life. I have bigger things to worry about. That's it. No more discussions. I should go to sleeep now.

Job Interview Update

So, I came home a little while ago from my job interview. It was a group interview, so we sat in a little circle while two interviewers asked us questions. I think I did pretty well, I really hope I get an email asking that I come in for a second interview. I was calm and collected. I knew the answer to a question that no one else knew the answer to. I already know what I'll wear if I get that email. I wear my linen dress with my new shoes. I wish I had a cute hat to go with it. I'm hopeful, but not too much. They said we would hear back sometime during the week for the job(or second interview I'm guessing). Please oh, please let me get this job!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!

Summer of SUCK [weekend four/five]

I fell behind because weekend four was the weekend before my birthday AND the most depressing weekend ever. Enough of my lame ass excuse, here's a recap of weekend four and five Condensed Edition!!!

Okay, Weekend Four: I was depressed for most all of it because I was so sure that my birthday was going to blow hard. Fortunately, my birthday turned out to be awesome. Unfortunately, the day before my birthday sucked really bad. I got into a huge fight and had the crappiest meal ever.

Now for Weekend Five: technically it's still in progress, but whatever. It was AWESOME. On Friday, I got the email from one of my favorite clothing stores saying that I could come in for an Open Interview. On Saturday, I got a haircut. I don't know why I was freaking out about it, I look way hot ;D. I feel more sophisticated, model-like, and confident. Later on, I went shopping for the perfect interview outfit. I pretty much found it. It's simple, yet stylish and trendy, without being desperate. Hopefully, I get a great pair of boots tomorrow(well, later) to make the outfit 100X better. Today(or yesterday, whatever) I slept a looong time. It was an über nap. I really needed it though. Anyway, overall this weekened was great. It seems to be a pattern, one weekend sucks, the next is way better...odd. Oh well, it wouldn't be normal for me if it wasn't like that. Please, oh please let me get that job!!! I feel like, I want it sooo bad that there's no way I WON'T get it. Please, let that be true. I want this job so bad.

Insomnia...Perfect.

I can't sleep.. I just have way too much on my mind. I have a job interiew next week which is freaking me out. I'm getting a haircut and going shopping tomorrow, so of course I'm thinking about that. Ugh. I hate when I try to imagine or anticipate what's going to happen. It keeps me awake at night. It's really irritating. Anyway, I'm really excited about the job interview. I really hope I find the perfect outfit for it. That would REALLY help my confidence. Luckily, I have really good people skills and I find it very easy to strike up conversations with people. Signs of a salesgirl! *fingerscrossed!* Oh, how could I almost forget??? Shame on me! I bought new shoes!! :) They're BEE-YOO-TEE-FULL! Hopefully they come ASAP. It would be so awesome if they came in time for my interview! I wish you could see them BloggerMobile is acting like an asshole :T If you really want to see them, their Garolega style from Aldoshoes.com FAB. They also happen to be on sale. I got mine in beige. Super cute. I can't wait until they come. I'mobsessively tracking my order until they arrive. Little things like this are what spark my ambitions. I swear. They also keep me awake at night. I'm a little nervous about my haircut. I'm getting it similar to Agyness Deyn's haircut since we have the same face shape and I think I'm a supermodel. I'm scared about how it will turn out. I also want to dye my hair a really dark purple before school starts. Like, so dark it looks black. I'm not really nervous about that though. I think it will come out nice. And I can always do a strand test. If I get my hair cut into that style, however, it will make my hair the shortest it's been since I was a bald baby! I'm going for an edgier look though. Something girly but kickass. Like biker chick with a soft side. Bohemian belle with a dark side. Idk. I need to change up my style. Its getting stale. It should be a breeze if I get that job. Please, oh please let me get that job!. Oh no, it's 2:15 and I have to get up early for my hair appointment. Time to try to sleep :T

Welcome to Square One. Population: me

U no her...she invited me nd plus one lol ur the only person I wanted to come:-) my bros going to:-)

*Sigh* As the title suggests, I'm back at square one. What is square one you ask?? Well, I'll tell you, madly in like with a guy who is totally unavailable. Ugh, as I was typing that, I hesitated as I wrote "totally". I can't fully accept it. Even after all that crap, I still can't. FML. Its just, I forgive him for his faults when he says things like:

Nd ur not bad ur just rite:-)

Or

Lol I just miss u nd I owe u a performance:-)

And HOW am I supposed to stay strong when he says things like:

Lol u have nice skin show it off :-)

Do I sound totally pathetic yet? I am pathetic. I'm pathetic for love. But love doesn't love me. And neither does he. It's actually quite sad. But, to not feel alone, I'll love you and I'll wait, to give the illusion that I'm not alone(watch 8 Women, a French Film and you'll get the reference). I'm so dramatic. He's not even my boyfriend(yet I hope). He's just a friend. Who has a girlfriend. Who I haven't met yet. I thought I came to terms with that. I haven't. And I realize now that I won't until she's standing in front of me and I get that discomfort in the pit of my stomach. I'm a visual learner. And apparently, a glutton for punishment. I know it's over, but my birthday wish is for these feeling to be gone and for me to forget about him like I forgot about the others. The universe just won't leave me alone.

Joyeux Anniversaire! Feliz Cumpleanos! Ha-peh like Birth-deh!*

Happy Birthday to me, I'm cool as can be. Now I'm cool and a year older, happy freakin birthday to me!!! So today(well, technically, yesterday) is(was) my birthday. It was great. The celebrations aren't over, but I feel so loved :). I was in a major funk, but I feel better now. The only thing that kind of bugged me was Darling. He really dissapointed me. Like, in a huge way. He wished me a happy birthday, but I still feel a little snubbed. He kind of blew me off and then gave some lame ass excuse. Like, whatever if you can't hang out with me, but tell me that. Don't keep me waiting. That's a huge petpeeve for me. I REALLY can't stand that shit. I wouldn't do that to anyone, so don't do it to me. The really sucky thing is this morning when I got his text, I got excited. I'm thinking oh, great, he came out from his bstupid cave just in time for my birthday. That's what I get for getting my hopes up. I never learn. I always allow my idiotic optimism to get the best of me and I'm constantly getting dissapointed. Like, wtf? I'm taking it personally because he's been acting like this ever since my College Trip/Workshop AND it was my birthday. He has enough battery or time to update his Facebook but not to text me to see if I'm okay?? Word?? That's how you feel?? That's what our relationship is all about?? So, if I'm not your girlfriend, I'm not shit?? Fine, that's ok. I'm loyal to those who are loyal to me. And right now, I'm not really feeling it. You just can't go from always being there to being there when you feel like it. That's exactly why a lot of people are no longer in my life. Anyway, on a lighter note, my birthday was AMAZEballs. I had a lot of fun. I'm getting my hair done, going out for ice cream, AND going shopping. Hopefully, I get some more birthday ca$h. Don't worry dolls, I'm okay. I swear, I'm f_cking O K A Y ! :)

*Valley Girl for Congrats on like getting old and junk *_*