The title is a Facebook status that one of my friend's best friend posted. It is the repeating phrase of the day. Every time I think of anything that reminds me of her, the phrase plays again: I used to have a best friend... with emphasis on the words "used to" and a sad pause at the end. As if she died. I do feel like she died. I feel like I've experienced some tragic death. I'm not even sure if she considers our friendship dead. She hasn't said anything to me. I feel I've done all I can to fix things. Her silence seems to me her way of de-friending me. While I do feel a great loss and I don't understand why any of this even happened, I won't blame myself. I refuse. Reflecting on my actions, I have done no wrong. I want to cry, but I refuse. I will not allow myself to cry over something so trivial. God has done this for a reason. Such an abrupt end to a strong friendship doesn't happen "just because". If it ended at all. In my mind, it has. I have to stop setting high expectations for people. Most human beings will disappoint you and you have no one to blame but yourself for expecting anything from them in the first place.
