Back to My Old Ways

He's showing up in my life again in small ways and I don't know how to deal with it. I miss him intensely. I wish I could escape it. I'm suffering from a serious case of nostalgia. I can only remember how happy he made me. I feel like he was there when even my best friend wasn't. And I felt loved by him. As if he really cared about me and would go to the ends of the earth for me. But I felt certain that wasn't true. But maybe it was. Maybe he really would have moved mountains for me. No, that's crazy. He had(or has) a girlfriend. I wish he would confess his love for me. That he hasn't stopped thinking about me since we last talked and he wants nothing more than to be with me. But I could never be that fortunate. Things like that never work out for me. Maybe I'm being crazy again. This happens to me every couple of months. I regret getting angry with him or being spiteful in some way and I feel this deep need to talk to him again. I hate this. I hate that I can't get back what I've lost with him. Maybe I haven't really lost anything. Maybe I should be more appreciative of the time we've had. Regret. Deep, deep regret. And a longing for what I feel I'm missing out on. All I can do is try to feel better I guess. What else?