Let's Call this: Summer of Suck [weekend eight] because I'm too lazy to tell you about my weekend.

Sooooo, I noticed that I'm nearing my 100th post(which is super cool) and I really don't want it to be a negative one. I would like to celebrate my 100th post, but this blog is super top secret(and not just because no one really cares) and I don't really have anyone to celebrate it with. Since sooo many of my posts have been about a guy I really want to make this one as nice as possible. I'm feeling a little less imbalanced and I am talking to him(yes, I'm weak and a hypocrite, but this isn't news) so I'm in a slightly better mood. Of course, he says he's been stressed and going through stuff and he wants to hang out. [Almost] every fibre of my being really wants to make my move and take this huge risk, and just let him know exactly how I feel. But that tiny voice in the back of my head is telling me that all I'll do is ruin whatever it is we have and change his whole view of me, thus destroying any possibility of a future. I know that if we hang out my feelings won't be as intense. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder and I may not feel so strongly about him after seeing that a lot I "remember" about him was my imagination. Hopefully, this happens. I'm just a sucker for a sad story and I'm Little Miss Heal the World, trying to make everyone feel better, one hug at a time. I know, I know, it was only a few hours ago when I was saying fuck forgiveness, but I have a soft spot for him and I have a feeling that things are worse for him than he let's on. Plus, I love him. I hate to admit it without truly knowing if he feels it too, but stab me with a fork, I do. I have this stupid connection with him. It's as if fate brought us together. And the fact that I feel so strongly about the little things even when we're just friends. And my dreams are signs. They have to be. Positive or negative, there's something about this guy that's different from the others. I just haven't quite figured it out yet. Taylor Swift's "You Belong with Me" perfectly describes my feelings(unfortunately). It would be "Our Song" if shewasn't in the picture. Maybe I'm crazy, but all this can't be for nothing. Heck, even my GRANDMA asked about him. Something's gotta give. At least let me find out there's something horribly wrong with him. SOMETHING. My godmother suggested that I ask hm to prom. That way there won't be pressure and I'll have fun because he's my friend. But, it might just complicate things more. Plus, what if something happens? Actually... no no no. There I go scheming again. Bringing bad karma on myself right before college is not the look. I don't care, I'm superstitious. It's a serious thing. Anyway, if I'm still awake in two hours, I'm gonna text him. I know he won't be awake so it's the perfect opportunity to tell him I love him randomly and innocently and see what happens. No pressure, no overthinking(ha. Yeah, right). Bleh. I just want him. I wanted that job too. And I got on my knees and prayed for that job. Look where it got me. *dingdingding* that's right, no where. *sigh* I'm just going to keep trying my best to be a good person. That's all I can really do at this point.