Relapse..

I've relapsed. I'm not proud of it. I just can't help myself. If it weren't for all the time we spend together, it wouldn't have happened. But it's not like I can just quit him cold turkey, I mean, he lives across the street, he has my number, we're FB friends, oh and the whole I love him thing. I hate myself for feeling that way(and admitting it). I actually said it out loud. I said it to someone. How could I?? I got over it, I did. I was fine. I felt better, but that clearly wasn't enough. It only took one day to ruin it all. It was the BBQ for my brother's birthday. He was misbehaving, but he's so cute. He got along with my family and he didn't eat any meat. I know this corny, and the exact reason I can't quit, but Seventeen Magazine said that a "sneaky way to tell he's into you" is when he mimics your behavior. And I'm a vegetarian. So he just randomly decided to go vegetarian at a BBQ? It's suspicious. I know I'm blowing it out of porportion but I don't care. I can't help but have this feeling that he and I will be a "we" one day. I've tried hard to remember if I felt this way about the others. Is this nagging feeling in my throat a repeat offender?? Am I just going through the motions again?? Will this, like the others, fade away and mean nothing in a little while?? Or are my feelings right and I'm not so crazy after all? Only time will tell. I'm starting to get that deja vù feeling. I feel nauseas from being up so late. So I'm going to sleep.