If you were brave enough to read my rambling thoughts I applaud you. I don't even like to pick my own brain. My brain is a scary place. It's indecisive and worn. It's severly tired nd emotionl but somehow I'm still functioning and my brain has yet to melt into total mush. Well, now that you've gotten a tiny glimpse of my thought process, I wouldn't blame you if you ran away. I wouldn't blame you if you turned around and never looked back. Now that I've invited you to leave and youv'e decided your'e bored enough to find out what the fuck my problem is, I'd be happy to tell you. It's about a boy. I know, you're shocked! A teenage girl has boy dilemnas?! No way! SHUT UP! Well, as shocking as it is, I am. There shouldn't be a problem, but somehow in my demented little mind there is. He's a little older(2 tiny years) and he's the coolest guy I've met in a while. I can't tell you exactly why I like him, but I do, and there's not much I can do about it. It might be that he gives me attention(I know, I know, you're thinking: what a sad little skank.) but I like to think it's because we have so much in common and I feel like we could talk about anything. So you're wondering: well what's the problem? Is he gay? Taken? Not interested? No, he's totally straight, single, and he likes me back. Now you think I'm wasting you're time, but you're wasting you're own, I told you tht I wouldnt mind if you left. The problem is we've never met. No, he doesn't only exist in my mind. I met him through friend(who hasn't met him either) and we've only ever tlked throught texts, IMs and once(to my absolute delight) on the phone. Maybe you're still wondering why I'm sighing. Well, since we've never met I don't know if he's serious or jut fucking with me. I mean, he seems sincere but how can I be sure? Plus, what if we do meet and he totally loses interest because of how I look? I'm not very pretty. Don't roll your eyes because you think I'm fishing for compliments, I'm not and I'm offended you would think that. I'm really not. And I'm scared that even though we clicked so well, our expectations and imaginations will dissapoint us in the end. He probably imagines me as way prettier than I really am. I don't really have expectations or anything, I like him for him
(what else do I have to go by?) so I'll like him even if he wasn't super hot or even all that cute. Not that my standards are low, but he's too good a thing for me to let go because he's not very attractive. *sigh* I don't know. We're both a little hesitant. Sometimes I wish he would just ask me out directly(he kinda already did but we both kind of dashed the idea for a couple of really good reasons) but since then the obstacles we once had are vanishing and he hasn't pounced. I have the urge to pounce myself; lay it all out on the table(again) but I don't want to pressure him or scare him away. I have a strong personality at times but I'm not gonna demand that he make a split decision and put him on the spot or anything. I don't know what to do. Trying not think about it is near impossible. Everything reminds me of him and how much I like him. This shouldn't be this hard ever. I know that for sure.I'm gonna stop typing before depression starts to set it. Well, until the next time you venture out from underneath your mum's skirt and take a ride on the not so wild side.
-L.H. ♥
(what else do I have to go by?) so I'll like him even if he wasn't super hot or even all that cute. Not that my standards are low, but he's too good a thing for me to let go because he's not very attractive. *sigh* I don't know. We're both a little hesitant. Sometimes I wish he would just ask me out directly(he kinda already did but we both kind of dashed the idea for a couple of really good reasons) but since then the obstacles we once had are vanishing and he hasn't pounced. I have the urge to pounce myself; lay it all out on the table(again) but I don't want to pressure him or scare him away. I have a strong personality at times but I'm not gonna demand that he make a split decision and put him on the spot or anything. I don't know what to do. Trying not think about it is near impossible. Everything reminds me of him and how much I like him. This shouldn't be this hard ever. I know that for sure.I'm gonna stop typing before depression starts to set it. Well, until the next time you venture out from underneath your mum's skirt and take a ride on the not so wild side.
-L.H. ♥
