Unfortunately, I have to ask myself way too often if I'm delusional. It's because I have an inflated ego. It's bad because I have two sides. One is self-loathing, depressed, anti-social, and just a downer. The other is happy-go-lucky, optimistic, full of herself, and at times overly confident. I'm an extreme person so I'm either way up or way down, there doesn't seem to be any type of compromise or middle ground. It sucks. So when I'm in EgotisticalManiac mode, I'm sure that everyone is in love with me and I'm so loved and popular and I wanna go out and paahh-tayy blahblahblah. This can be good and bad. Having high self esteem is good and being happy is good, but when I turn everything about me I get absolutely monstrous. When I'm in E.M mode, I get totally delusional and my over-confidence causes me to do ridiculously stupid things and make an ass of myself(I know, I probably deserve it). When I get knocked off my self-made pedestal, I go into MyLifeSucksAndWillNeverGetBetter mode and stay there for a couple days(I know, I'm hardcore). The point is, I'm either up or down and being up causes me to fall down hard. Sometimes I don't even realize the Monster is taking over until it's too late. I have a way of fucking things up, it's just what I do. mmh. I don't know what else to say so I guess I'll leave it here. Until the next time sneak out the window and take a ride on the not so wild side.
-L.H.♥
