Yet another post about a crush. Did you really expect anything more from me? Let's stop this. I don't have a crush. He's ugly. He's completely not my type. The ONLY reason I feel this way is that he's kinda charming and he makes me giggle. He offers comic relief in the drab job I have, so my feelings are completely misplaced. He pays attention to me. We all know that that's all it really takes. I hate myself sometimes. I really, truly do. HE'S NOT EVEN CUTE!!!!
Okay, let me relax and think this over. There must be something other than the obvious that attracts me to him. This is what happens when I get a crush. When the person isn't around, I'm like ew. I don't like him at all. Then I'll see him and that strange fizzling thing happens in my stomach and I'm all like where the hell did that come from? And then he'll disappear from my sight and I'll be like OMG where did he go? Did he leave? He didn't even say bye! Wait, why do I care? He's not even a factor in my day! Ugh. And then BOOM I have a crush. Everything goes downhill from here. Then my thoughts become: why is he talking to that b*tch?! I'm way prettier than her! Am I? Omg, if he starts dating her I'll just die. Omg, he touched my hand, he must love me! Omg, I don't want him to love me! He's too ____! Omg, please God let him love me! He could never love me. I'm hideous. Omg, he texted me!!! "Hey"??? What does that mean?? Does he mean "Hey, I am totally in love with you"?! Omg, how do I even respond to that?! Hey is too casual. Hi is too eager. Hello, then? No, he might take that as I don't want to talk to him. Why hasn't he texted me back yet?!!! I have to wait exactly 10 minutes to text him back so I look busy. THIS IS SO STRESSFUL!!!!
That's basically my life until I realize I hate him or that he really won't ever love me. I think he might kinda like me though. I don't know. The things I take as signs that a guy likes me usually don't mean anything and I'm just a psycho. Either that or I push them away once I being to see those signs. But I can't be sure because I've never had a boyfriend. So, who knows what I'm doing wrong. Anyway, for now I'm just going to relax. I'm not going to initiate conversation or try to be near him. It's soooo hard for me to hide my feelings, but I'm going to fight this with all my might! I hate that he isn't cute. I would feel better about this. At least the last guy I liked was physically attractive to some degree. I think it's better to have a superficial crush than a deep crush. Deep crushes are easier to confuse with love....
