Unrequited Like (the only like I know)

I keep having dreams about him. I really hate it. I'm doing well though. I'm getting so much better at protecting myself. Deep down, I know that if he ever asked me out I would say yes without a doubt. And every time I imagine him feeling even a fraction of the tiny bit I might feel for him, my stomach does somersaults. My intense denial helps, until I hug him or "console" him or look him in his stupid eyes. I have moments when I'm totally okay and I feel great. Other times, all I can think about is how cute he is. Actually, he's not that great. I can probably do better. I know way too much about his past. That ruins it for me. Plus, he doesn't feel the same way about sex as I do. He's way to lax about it. That's enough to turn me off. Not completely though(obviously). I hate that someone has to hurt me or I have to start liking someone else in order to get over my feelings. It really sucks. Especially since it always takes so long for me to find someone that I think I might have enough of  a chance with to allow myself to like. I'm just so impatient. I want a boyfriend already. I'm sick of waiting. This guy I'm waiting for better be worth the wait. He better be the most amazing guy who is so perfect for me, that I couldn't imagine him any better if I tried. I hope that I can't find anything wrong with him. I hope he loves me. I hope our love is effortless. I've never had a boyfriend, so I really don't know what I like or dislike. I can't be sure what kind of person I would make the perfect couple with. Anyway, I'm just going to have to learn to be patient. I consider myself worth waiting for, so I want someone who is worth the wait. I feel like all of my posts are about me waiting for things: a job, money, a boyfriend, beauty, happiness. There's only so much I can  do to get these things. The rest is waiting. I guess I don't mind as long as the reward is spectacular. It doesn't even have to be spectacular. Any reward would be appreciated. I'm getting sleepy. The point is, I wish I could throw out the feelings that I'm trying to ignore, or they would at leat be returned so that I could realize that he isn't the right guy for me. That is all. Goodnight.