Death.

Forgiving, loving, openhearted. They're all traits that died in me today. I've lost faith in humanity for the final time. Reverdy wasn't lying when he said to chase happiness is to chase the wind. Lynn the Lionhearted has replaced Lynn the Loving. They once coexisted but the death of Lynn the Loving has caused the takeover of my entire being. It's so easy to make me love and so hard to lose my faith in you yet the people closest to me manage to do just that. I feel more alone, replaceable, and unloved than ever. All I ever want is love and people are so miserly when it comes to giving it. I try to be stronger but I'm just not. I'm vulnerable, fragile, weak. I am weak. Weak and naive. I believed people could change and be better but they can't. Not even me. My feet are dirty and my heart is tired. I'm emotionally exhausted. I give all of me hoping I'll get the equivalent but I never do. Instead I'm made to feel worthless and unimportant. I wish I could say I don't, but I care what people think. It sickens me that I do. I'm so sick of being crushed. I'm sick of people totally disregarding my feelings when I just try to make everyone feel good. I cry so much. I cry so much I wonder when I'll just run out of tears. The sun is shining, clothing is shedding, and the season of leisure and pure bliss is here and where am I? In my room crying by myself in the dark because I'm in pain. Both physical and emotional pain. What did I do? What? What? What? Am I completely blind to how cruel and heartless I am? Why must I get hurt at every turn? Why does dissapointment and misery follow me everywhere? Why is it that every time I try to make things better they end up even worse than before? What could I have done? How can so many things go wrong at once? Why doesn't anyone understand? I'm tired.